hello lovies! My how you've grown (my horrible impression of that long distance aunt we ALL have somewhere)! First thing first, have you seen Black Swan?! Natalie Portman has officially become one of my very favorite actresses. She was not only believable as her character, but also intensely involved in creating a transformation throughout the picture. It felt like I was watching two different people! "There were some nights that I thought I literally was going to die. It was the first time I understood how you could get so wrapped up in a role that it could sort of take you down," she told Entertainment Weekly. Yes Ms. Portman (soon to be Mrs. Millepied; recently announced her engagement to choreographer fiance Benjamin Millepied, whom she met on the set of Black Swan), I can honestly say you conveyed that through film. The crazy part, I completely understood on a personal level "Nina's battle". I'm not looney but Ashley and Jenelle are two very different people . Ashley is very "Duval" lol. Quick tempered/annoyed, impatient, lazy, and easily distracted. Jenelle on the other hand is a much more patient, diligent, and sometimes glamorous individual. Two sides of a very complicated coin. When I am at home lounging about in sweats with bowls of sweet treats, my family sees Ashley. When I am working on a set, modeling, grinding in general, the world sees Jenelle, and let's face it...We ALL love Jenelle ;D
SNAP! Gotta run, brb folks....I missed talking to you guys <3 .p.s an invite I designed..thoughts?
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Love with an open heart and trust with an open mind.
yaaawwwnnsss! Hello my loves . Currently lounging about in my old high school track hoodie . My how I have missed you guys .
UPDATES: Mr.LG? no comment . School, Spring looks promising . Work; normal . Life; feeling just as jumbled as it did a year ago when I moved back to FL . Yes, I finished my AA and starting working but I'm no closer to my actual dream than I was then. Something has got to give and since God favors those that help themselves...I'm buying myself a new sewing machine...tomorrow. No if, and's, or but's . The simple fact of the matter...practice makes perfect . Though, I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection . Excellence, I can reach for; Perfection is God's business . siiiggggghhhs as she rolls over . I want..."my life"...eventually. I feel like I've been doing all of this, for lack of a better word, "crap" for someone else . **cough**Dad**cough** . I'm ready to put my name on something other than a blog that I can stand behind .
alright loves....to work I go . ttyl k?
;D
10:13 PM
ya know...I love the Dash clan...but this pic is a little creepy . A tad Adams Family right...or is it just me ?
KNOW WHAT JUST BURNS ME...I can't be an emotional wreck for more than 24 hours before he's back in my life...making me smile . THIS IS NOT...I REPEAT NOT NORMAL! Were both either really dumb and desperate...or really in love and optimistic...siiiigggghhhhh. Round 419..ding ding ding .
I have been searching for an entire week for the words to explain the nuclear disaster that engulfed whatever embers were left burning of our relationship...and yet even now, I'm at a loss. Have you ever felt something so overwhelmingly painful....that your souls aches? This pain can not be captured in words, poetry, song, or even thought...too restricting. I can honestly say...leaving "the love of my life" has tossed my heart into a sea of loneliness so deep, I get motion sickness when I feel.
"It feels like you don't want me anymore...is that the case?"
I was not expecting a novel to be typed in his signature text format in honor of me...but more than "idk", might have muted the screaming inside my head.
Confused, angry, bitterly disgusted at the amount of time spent reassuring myself that he was in fact the one.
"I believe I have my answer"..."Iight".
The world stopped in that moment. My heart ceased to listen to my minds coaching...keep beating, at least for me. "Did you miss me today?"..."idk". My soul has been wincing in disbelief...is this the same man? How could it be?
"What is going on...I feel that things have changed between us...what did I do?"..."I don't trust you". THE FUCK. TWO YEARS AND I'M NOT TRUSTWORTHY. Things are starting to add up and I want to regurgitate everything you've said to me that sparked my intuition, yet I ignored. Filing it away as an "expectation of the worst". Rewind,...everything is my fault as long as you can sleep at night. Forget the fact that I haven't eaten in two days...too stressed out to consider nourishing myself. Too ashamed to speak to anyone . Too embarrassed to realize...you were the problem all along. Let me guess....you love me.
12:12 AM
12:12 AM, 12:21 AM, 12:42 AM, 12:53 AM, 3:45 AM,...
I picked up at 3:45 AM...told him I deserved better .
3:58 AM, 4:13 AM; 10:52 AM, 10:57 AM...He finally stopped .
12/8/10 11:23 AM
Text...
"Ur right iApologize. U deserve better. But complicated is how we was and iLoved every bit of it. Every arguement every make up session and our sweetness. iWouldnt have traded it for some perfect gf eva. Us actually over iWoulda nva thought..But hey u live and u learn. iLove u and iPromise iWont hitchu up again in my life Ashley. Go getchu ur future started with a guy that deserves u. :) Smiles Honeybee. No frowns"
Happily ever after...is finally over.....
9:04 PM
even I don't believe that...
